This brief moment served as wonderful wake up call and reminder of His faithfulness and just how He does give us the desires of our hearts, when we delight ourselves in Him.
It started as a day just like any other. I ran to the market that early afternoon to pick up buns for dinner. I headed down an aisle and saw two moms with their small children casually shopping through the store, I smiled and thought how cute.
As I turned to pick up the hot dog buns, it hit me and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I saw my life for what it truly was. I literally gasped at the reality of it.
I was immediately thrust back 15 years to a time when I was single and childless. I clearly remembered that late spring afternoon, running to the market on my lunch break and seeing moms with small children shopping in the store. I can still remember the smells of hot bread coming from the bakery section and fresh peaches that had just been set out. I remembered standing in the store inwardly saying, Lord when I get married I want to be like this.
I want to be one of these moms, who get to stay home with their kids and shop in the afternoon while the food is still fresh and the stores aren't crowded.
As I drove back to work I passed a park and decided to stopped and eat the deli sandwich and yogurt I had purchased.
Sitting there, I saw several moms with their children, some pushing strollers, others playing and pushing their babies on the swings. I remember the sharp ache I felt in my chest as I watched this scenario and prayed another silent prayer… Lord if you ever allow me to marry and become a mom, this is what I want my life to be like. That day a dream and a desire was birthed in me.
There were many days following that I longed for the season when I would be blessed to marry and become a wife and mother.
Being over 25 and single would at times cause these dreams and prayers to seem unattainable. Medical issues that said “you will never bear children” would attempt to dash my desires and make them appear bleak, yet I held out hope. My payer remained; Lord if you ever bless me to marry and become a mom…
The word of God tells us in Romans 5:5 that hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit.
When your hope is in the Lord you will not be put to shame. In the course of time not only did the Father bless me to marry a wonderful man of God, he also blessed our quiver with 4 bright arrows.
Through out the years and through out the everyday goings on of life, somewhere the words I prayed and believed for were lost. They were swept away like the crumbs from the morning toast, stacked and put away neatly like the mounting stacks of homeschooling paperwork and crafts.
But that day, that early afternoon of January 9, 2003, standing right there in the aisle of the supermarket it hit me. I was living the life I had dreamed about. I was actually living in the manifestation and answer to my prayers. I AM living the life I always wanted to live.
I know for some this might seem a little silly but that moment touched me at the very core of my being.
It is so easy to get caught up in the every day hustle and bustle, ups and downs of life, marriage and motherhood that we lose sight of the preciousness of what we have. As I reflected on this realization, I thought back to the days when being so overwhelmed I questioned.
I questioned my decision to be a stay home mom, when after a week of 4 kids just not getting it, I questioned my decision to homeschool my children. When everything outside looked like Gold and all that we had looked like clay I questioned.....
I thought about the days I had not been as grateful as I should have been and all I could say was God forgive me. You have blessed me to live the life of my dreams and I almost missed the reality of it. How many people can honestly say they are living the life they always dreamed of?
Now don't get me wrong, there are some things that we have lived through that I truly didn't dream of but life isn't always going to be a bed of roses. Those things are what make us stronger, wiser and closer to the Lord. Knowing this I can appreciate every thorn in the mix of roses.
Remembering that moment, I have a new and refreshed outlook on life and it has given me a joy that words cannot describe.
Yes, I know that this time next week after being exhausted from the life which is motherhood, being teacher to four kids, driver to four kids, referee to four kids, and every other title that comes along with four kids, I will be tempted to throw my hands up and say four kids...... what was I thinkin! But because I know I'm living the life of my dreams, I think instead that I will throw up my hands and count it all joy.
I encourage you all to refresh your dreams and hopes and to know that God is a fulfiller of them all.
Blessings until next time,
Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Psalm 37:4 Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
Psalm 40:1
Proverbs 3:5-6
Proverbs 13:12
1 comment:
Dear TonyR,
This is so precious.
Deanna from the Kansas Flinthills
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