Sunday, February 19, 2012

Matters of The Heart; Ebony Edwards

Hello everyone!
I am so blessed to introduce you all to a young lady whom God is raising up mightily. 
She is young woman I have watched grow for close to 10 years. She has endured ups and downs and realizations in her journey. As a single woman she speaks from her heart a portion of her journey and where she is today. February is traditionally known as the month of Love. We see the pink and red hearts, flowers and flashy jewelry all around us; on the television, in magazines, the stores, on the radio and internet ads.  It stirs up our desire to have love, to be loved, to love but at what cost? It beats the hearts and minds of singles like a drum, perpetually reminding them of their singleness, drumming into them all that they think they are mission out on because they are single. Today Ebony speaks her heart on Romance, Love and God, take a look at what she has to say....


Romance. Is it a lost art? Where are the wanton displays of interest and where is chivalry? Has it been lost through the generations or are the stories we hear of past love one in a million? Was there ever a point in time when men romanced women? 
Being honest, I must admit that I have a slightly biased opinion on this topic (might even say bitter) seeing as I am a hopeless die hard romantic and I have yet to experience a pure unconditional love from a man equipped with genuine interest, romance, and frills.
I am an avid blog reader, and the topic of discussion for a few of these blogs was about romance. On these sites, blogs were posted explaining how they longed to experience romance like in the movies or books. (They know it’s fictitious, but would still like to experience a romance of that magnitude i.e. candle lit dinners, surprises or other romantic gestures) Some commenter’s even shared their romantic experiences, and as I read through all of the responses I felt kind of crappy. 
Now granted I am still young, but the wheels in my head began to turn because I can count on both of my hands the amount of times that a guy I was talking to did anything romantic for me. Then the realization that I never required more from anyone set in as well. 
I'm on the journey to developing self-worth and separating healthy actions from non-healthy actions and I realized I made things too easy for people. My mentality was that no one could be perfect so I will work with a person. Let's just say that most of the people I talked to dud not hold much worth, which is a reflection of how much I valued myself. What I brought to the table didn't even equate to what they had which is horrible because I'm definitely a “cater to you” type of girl. 
I know for a fact that I'm changing and emotionally healing because I didn't feel depressed or lonely, I kind of giggled and thought to myself if I get married I know my husband will be a wonderful man. I have accepted that God will work on me so that I won't be a shell of a woman and I would be able to receive his love and reciprocate. I know my relationship with him would be one that inspires others. 
God has revealed so much to me in such a short period of time that its mind boggling. I literally had to sit down and look at the self destructive behaviors that I exhibited and assess them with His help. One of the main issues: I was willing to settle for things that were spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically unhealthy. Because I put myself through this degradation and it took years to tack on all the pain, I am prepared to take the time and allow God to mend me and make me whole. 
I realize that on my own I am incapable of repairing anything. With that being said, I just read a book entitled I kissed dating goodbye by Joshua Harris. Lately I have read a few Christian books that explain how important it is for Christians to not date because it is a highly defective ritual for mate selection. Why waste precious time dating when I need to work towards a relationship with God, when I need to work towards fulfilling His purpose for my life, and when I need to be pruned so that I can be the woman of God that he has called me to be. 
The lesson and life principles I learned hit me harder than ever and I felt convicted. If and when it is time for me to be with someone it will happen. Dating is not about fun and games because in the end there is so much pain, unrecoverable time, and it is a price I just can't pay. 
Emotionally I'm weak, (too weak honestly) and I just brush things under the carpet. I want more for my relationships with God and my future husband. I don't want to distract and detract away from my spiritual life, nor do I want my future husband to have to deal with an emotional burden (honestly speaking at this point that's what I am). Being a whole person fully and equally balanced is my goal. There isn't any better goal I could set for myself right now. With that being said; I want grand gestures, I want romance, and I want unconditional love. However I am willing to set unattainable standards that only a God selected mate can attain and I am also willing to be patient. If that day never comes, I will be fine. I would rather live alone knowing that I never settled for less than God’s best than to aimlessly search and settle for a cheap imitation of love.

Ebony Edwards

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